Archive for the ‘The World as I See It!’ Category

How To Get A Job! (Or at least how to land an interview!)

Thursday, July 8th, 2010

Here is a primer I wrote for another website on how to get a job.

(BIG NOTE: All the below assume you have a BETTER THAN AVERAGE resume.  If you don’t, then get someone with resume writing experience to assist.  You will need a better than average resume to send out with a  ton of highlighted KEYWORDS.  However, every job you find will more than likely REQUIRE you to rewrite the resume.  WHY?  Because the people in HR are dumber than a box of hammers.  If your resume doesn’t almost EXACTLY match what their boss sent them in his “requirements for the job” email, then they will just toss your resume in the trash.  Write your resume as if the person reading it doesn’t have the ability to think… because most of time they don’t.  This is especially true in Information Technology as most of the HR people that screen for IT jobs haven’t a clue what they are reading.  Save every version you write and do the following…)

1. Post your resume online as many places as you can.  (Most recruiters do basic Google searches BEFORE they hit the job boards like Dice, Monster, Etc.)  Register your name as a domain with 1and1.com and toss your resume online in multiple formats and let Google index it.  Post your resume on any number of free sites to get higher rankings on Google.  Got friends with websites?  Ask them to host your resume.   NOTE: DO NOT use Facebook for this.  Many people in business see a Facebook user as a person that will waste time fucking around on Facebook instead of working.  If your going to use a social networking site use something like LinkedIn, and put emphasis on the “recommendations” section.

2. Use ResumeRabbit.com (Yes, it’s $50 bucks but well worth it as a time saver.) They use form filler software to post your resume to over 100 job boards.  They are a legit company, as I met the owners and some of the software developers at a Google Ad Words seminar and can highly recommend their software.  You will have to go back and edit things and you WILL have to spend time on this, but considerably less than if you would have typed all your info in to each individual job board.

3. Call every recruiter / headhunter in the city that you are wanting to get a job in and start making relationships.  Once you find a recruiter you feel you have a good rapport with. Call them EVERY day and ask if they have something for you.  Remember, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.  Take anything they toss your way that you can succeed in.  Many part time gigs turn into full time gigs, and if nothing else a completed assignment shows you are capable and will get you more work from the same recruiter.

4. Register with your states Workforce Commission even if you are not collecting unemployment.  They have many job postings that are not available in other places.

5. Network, Network, Network.  What ever city you want to work in, find as many “groups” of people as you can.  Go to them.  Make friends.  Whine about being unemployed and see if they can recommend anything for you.  You will be surprised how many jobs there are out there that NEVER make it to the job boards.

6. Use Craigslist to search for work.  There is a jobs section.  Most of the work is well under scale, but can lead you to bigger and better things.  NOTE: Most of the “good” jobs are filled minutes after they are posted.  If you want to make sure you can beat the competition then purchase a copy of craigspal.  This software will monitor catagories and keywords on Craigslist then send an SMS to your cell phone to let you know when something has been posted.  This will enable you to grab the “good” jobs before anyone else!

7. Use Indeed.com to find jobs that are only posted on the websites of the companies looking for work.  SERIOUSLY, this site works.

Happy hunting, and remember that it was the REPUBLICIANS that voted not to extend unemployment benefits.

Are You Over 40 and Attractive? Then go to Facebook and Feel Great about Yourself!

Monday, November 30th, 2009

Members of many of the online communities I frequent have heard me rant and rave about all the negative things about social networking sites (Facebook, MySpace, Mebo, BeeBo, etc etc) specifically how the sites;

But HEY, forget EVERYTHING I ever said about that, cause it’s a FANTASTIC ego booster if your over 40 and attractive as I am!

What do I mean?  Well, you get to “find” all your old high school and college acquaintances and SEE how badly they have aged over the last 20 years!  (Many people who you went to High School or College with will add you as a “friend” even if they don’t really know you because it boosts their fragile ego’s to have as many “friends” as possible.)

Whooo boy! I was amazed at how many people were down right FUGGLY!  (*Google the word if you are not familiar!)  Seriously, some of these people have gotten so ugly that you would have to tie a steak around their neck just to get a dog to play with them!  I’m talkin’ wrinkled, balding, and so FAT you can’t see their entire body in their profile picture!  It’s a downright cryin shame to see how badly time and mother nature has kicked the crap out of some of these poor fools.  AND… If your really lucky, you will manage to get “friend approved” by your ex girlfriends/boyfriends who are now so bad off that they would have a hard time getting laid if  they were paying for sex, let alone actually hooking up with anyone!

If your a guy, then your chances for a supreme ego boost have just doubled!  Yes, it’s true men do age better than women, especially after these gals have squeezed out a few puppies.  You just can’t hide the age a few tear-ass, screaming kiddos, puts on the face and body.  It’s like they suck the life right out of their momma’s.  You ever see the “Dark Crystal”  when the Skeksis drained the pod people?  It’s kinda like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NcaKMkPp_E

Yes, I know… all this sounds cruel… but I wasn’t one of the popular ones in Junior High and Most of High School so put this post in your yearbook and smoke it!  Sure, I’m financially more successful than most everyone in my high school yearbook, but anyone can get a job!  It’s so much better to be good lookin!    So, if your like me…  then run out and get you a facebook page and kick it like Sean Connery!